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Mange t\u00f8r ikke \u00e5 flagge at de varme f\u00f8lelsene blir svakere f\u00f8r det er for sent<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Sara var forelsket i mannen sin, Torgeir. Det hadde hun v\u00e6rt siden de m\u00f8ttes tidlig i studietiden. Han var offiser i noen \u00e5r og hun fikk et skikkelig kick av \u00e5 se ham nydusjet i uniform. De fikk to barn, Sara var hjemme med dem mens de var sm\u00e5. Deretter jobbet hun i halv stilling slik at det skulle v\u00e6re noen til stede hjemme selv om barna begynte \u00e5 bli store. Familien dro p\u00e5 ferier sammen, spiste middag sammen nesten hver dag, og hele \u00e5rshjulet var fylt av fine ritualer. Julen var det viktigste, da pyntet hun hele huset og laget julekalender med 72 h\u00e5ndinnpakkede gaver. Torgeir m\u00e5tte ogs\u00e5 f\u00e5! P\u00e5sken var herlig fylt med gule kyllinger og p\u00e5skeegg p\u00e5 fjellet; sommeren en skj\u00e6rg\u00e5rdsdr\u00f8m med strandlinje og varme svaberg. Om h\u00f8sten var det stearinlys og vedsjau. Et perfekt liv, trodde Sara.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Torgeir hadde g\u00e5tt Krigsskolen hvor man f\u00e5r trening i \u00e5 gi direkte tilbakemeldinger til hverandre. Likevel greide han ikke \u00e5 si fra til Sara om at han hadde funnet en annen. Det nye forholdet hadde allerede vart i et par \u00e5r, men det var flere \u00e5r siden han hadde mistet interessen for Sara. Han hadde skikkelig d\u00e5rlig samvittighet for det. Han s\u00e5 at hun gjorde alt hun kunne for \u00e5 gj\u00f8re det fint for ham og barna. Hun var helt uselvisk i sin innsats og prioriterte familien f\u00f8rst uansett. En gang hadde hun blitt invitert med p\u00e5 jentetur til et fjongt luksussted hvor alt var betalt. Torgeir tenkte at det<\/em>, det fortjente hun, men hun hadde ikke samvittighet til \u00e5 dra, for de skulle feire bursdag med ett av barna. Under den bursdagen var Torgeir stillere enn vanlig. Han satt og tenkte p\u00e5 hvordan hun n\u00e5 kunne ha sittet p\u00e5 et b\u00e5tdekk med tropesol og paraplydrink, men hun prioriterte bl\u00f8tkake med familien. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Da de kom til meg, var Sara spent og urolig. Torgeir hadde tatt initiativet til parterapi, og Sara tenkte at dette m\u00e5tte v\u00e6re fordi han ville jobbe med forholdet for \u00e5 f\u00e5 det bedre. Men han hadde v\u00e6rt s\u00e5 rar og avvisende i det siste at hun ikke visste hva hun skulle tro. Jeg begynte timen som vanlig, fikk dem til \u00e5 fortelle litt om seg selv f\u00f8rst, f\u00f8r vi gikk over p\u00e5 dagens bestilling: Hva \u00f8nsket de \u00e5 oppn\u00e5 med samtalen v\u00e5r? Sara grep ordet. Hun fortalte om hvordan hun og Torgeir m\u00f8ttes f\u00f8rste gang, og hvordan hun helt fra f\u00f8rste stund hadde v\u00e6rt hodestups forelsket og fremdeles var det. Torgeir greide ikke \u00e5 se henne i \u00f8ynene. Han s\u00e5 i gulvet og snakket s\u00e5 lavt at jeg m\u00e5tte be ham om \u00e5 \u00f8ke volumet. Han pustet dypt, rettet seg opp, s\u00e5 Sara i \u00f8ynene og sa at han hadde truffet en annen og ville skilles. Han hadde ordnet alt det praktiske. Hun skulle overta huset og f\u00e5 livsvarig bruksrett p\u00e5 hyttene. Hvis hun \u00f8nsket \u00e5 f\u00e5 hjelp til \u00e5 bearbeide bruddet, kunne han dekke kostnadene. Han hadde allerede pakket en bag og skulle dra rett hjem til den nye kj\u00e6resten.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

F\u00f8rst var Sara helt stum og skrekkslagen, men da hun skj\u00f8nte hva som var i ferd med \u00e5 skje, skrek hun h\u00f8yt og lenge. Nei, nei, neeeeeiiiiii! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Torgeir valgte \u00e5 bryte p\u00e5 den mest smertefulle m\u00e5ten. Hvordan kunne han gjort det annerledes? Han \u00f8nsket jo egentlig Sara alt godt. Han var bare ikke forelsket lenger, og hadde aldri hatt noen rollemodeller som viste ham hvordan man kan holde kj\u00e6rlighet vedlike. Derfor hadde det v\u00e6rt lettere for ham \u00e5 late som ingenting i de \u00e5rene hvor han irriterte seg stadig mer over Saras stulling og pynting. Han skj\u00f8nte ikke at han skulle for\u00e5rsake henne s\u00e5 stor smerte at hun fremdeles var i sjokk og sorg to \u00e5r etterp\u00e5. Det \u00e5 bli forlatt uten \u00e5 ha f\u00e5tt en sjanse til \u00e5 sl\u00e5ss for parforholdet, er umyndiggj\u00f8rende. Den som blir forlatt p\u00e5 den m\u00e5ten vil resten av livet lure p\u00e5 hva som skjedde og klandre seg selv. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hvis du har begynt \u00e5 irritere deg over partneren din, er det viktig \u00e5 ta tak i det f\u00f8r det g\u00e5r for lenge. Det \u00e5 late som ingenting er en d\u00e5rlig id\u00e9. Det er mye bedre \u00e5 \u00f8ve seg p\u00e5 \u00e5 etablere nye, gode vaner i parforholdet. De som l\u00e6rer seg noen gode vaner, greier ogs\u00e5 ofte \u00e5 si ifra om hva som irriterer uten at det blir en krangel, eller skilsmisse ut av det.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Psykolog og parterapeut Andreas L\u00f8es Narum i Parweb.no
Kategorier: N\u00e5r det er slutt, Verkt\u00f8y<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mange t\u00f8r ikke \u00e5 flagge at de varme f\u00f8lelsene blir svakere f\u00f8r det er for sent Sara var forelsket i mannen sin, Torgeir. Det hadde hun v\u00e6rt siden de m\u00f8ttes tidlig i studietiden. Han var offiser i noen \u00e5r og hun fikk et skikkelig kick av \u00e5 se ham nydusjet i uniform. De fikk to barn, Sara var hjemme med dem mens de var sm\u00e5. Deretter jobbet hun i halv stilling slik at det skulle v\u00e6re noen til stede hjemme selv om barna begynte \u00e5 bli store. Familien dro p\u00e5 ferier sammen, spiste middag sammen nesten hver dag, og hele\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[283,52,45,50,57,54,39],"tags":[308,309,307,239,74,306,81],"post_folder":[],"class_list":["post-1805","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-avvisning","category-finn-en-ny-partner","category-kjaerlighetssorg","category-nar-det-er-slutt","category-relasjonstips","category-utroskap","category-verktoy","tag-brudd","tag-det-er-slutt","tag-funnet-en-annen","tag-kjaerlighetssorg","tag-krangling","tag-skilsmisse","tag-verktoy"],"blocksy_meta":"","yoast_head":"\nN\u00e5r den ene er helt ferdig - narum.org<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.narum.org\/nar-den-ene-er-helt-ferdig\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nb_NO\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"N\u00e5r den ene er helt ferdig - narum.org\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Mange t\u00f8r ikke \u00e5 flagge at de varme f\u00f8lelsene blir svakere f\u00f8r det er for sent Sara var forelsket i mannen sin, Torgeir. 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