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{"id":1731,"date":"2024-08-19T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-19T05:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.narum.org\/?p=1731"},"modified":"2024-06-21T10:12:12","modified_gmt":"2024-06-21T09:12:12","slug":"uonsket-tafsing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.narum.org\/uonsket-tafsing\/","title":{"rendered":"U\u00f8nsket tafsing"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>De som tilsynelatende bare tenker p\u00e5 sex kan ogs\u00e5 ha andre f\u00f8lelser<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"696\" src=\"https:\/\/www.narum.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/2021_1009_Uonsket_tafsing-1024x696.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1732\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.narum.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/2021_1009_Uonsket_tafsing-1024x696.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.narum.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/2021_1009_Uonsket_tafsing-300x204.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.narum.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/2021_1009_Uonsket_tafsing-768x522.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.narum.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/2021_1009_Uonsket_tafsing-1536x1044.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/www.narum.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/2021_1009_Uonsket_tafsing-2048x1392.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Et par dager f\u00f8r Siv, Sten og jeg m\u00f8ttes f\u00f8rste gang, fikk jeg en lang bestilling av Siv. Hun skrev nyansert om hvor glad hun var i Sten. Hun s\u00e5 at han var en fin mann og en god far, men hun hadde begynt \u00e5 tvile. Etter at de ble sammen, begynte han \u00e5 behandle henne respektl\u00f8st. Hun ville ikke ha noe av at han bare stakk h\u00e5nden rett ned i buksen hennes. Dette kunne skje n\u00e5r som helst p\u00e5 dagen og helt uten forvarsel \u2013 hele h\u00e5nden rett ned i fronten av trusen, innenfor. Han kunne ogs\u00e5 ta rundt det brystet som var n\u00e6rmest n\u00e5r han gikk forbi, eller han gikk inntil henne bakfra og tok rundt begge \u2013 ogs\u00e5 med andre folk i rommet. Siv hadde forklart at det var en skikkelig turnoff for henne at han gjorde dette, men han bare fortsatte.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I Stens korte bestilling sto det at han var glad i Siv, og at de kanskje hadde noen problemer med kommunikasjonen. Han kunne ogs\u00e5 tenkt seg noe mer sex enn det de hadde n\u00e5 om dagen. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>P\u00e5 kontoret mitt fortalte Siv at de ikke hadde hatt sex p\u00e5 m\u00e5nedsvis fordi hun ikke lenger t\u00e5lte Stens tafsing. De hadde fors\u00e5vidt god sex, det var begge enige om, men Siv hatet f\u00f8lelsen av \u00e5 v\u00e6re et objekt i en skitten strippeklubb \u2013 den f\u00f8lelsen fikk hun n\u00e5r Sten stakk h\u00e5nden ned i buksen p\u00e5 henne, dessuten fikk hun assosiasjoner til den sommerjobben p\u00e5 fortausrestauranten hvor menn i dress hadde kl\u00f8pet henne i baken og p\u00e5 puppene. Den eneste m\u00e5ten Siv kunne forst\u00e5 tafsingen p\u00e5, var at Sten ikke respekterte henne, i og med at han bare fortsatte selv om hun sa ifra. Hvordan kan du gj\u00f8re dette mot meg hver dag, Sten? nesten ropte Siv fra sin krok i sofaen, lengst vekk fra Sten. Han hadde ikke mye \u00e5 si om det, han skulle \u00f8nske de bare kunne ha det som da de var nyforelsket. Han hadde ikke noe \u00f8nske om \u00e5 v\u00e6re en overgriper som tok seg til rette p\u00e5 kroppen hennes.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sten vokste opp i en vanlig, norsk familie i byen N ved kysten. Foreldrene hans jobbet mye, han hadde tre s\u00f8sken og var selv nest yngst i flokken. De holdt seg i aktivitet med jobb, fotball og friluftsliv. Sten kunne ikke huske at han noen gang hadde blitt lest for eller hadde sittet p\u00e5 fanget til moren eller faren. Han antok at foreldrene var glad i hverandre og i barna, men de viste det bare ved \u00e5 l\u00f8se hverdagens praktiske utfordringer.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Gutter og jenter som vokser opp uten rollemodeller som demonstrerer forskjellige m\u00e5ter \u00e5 vise hverandre kj\u00e6rlighet og omsorg p\u00e5, f\u00e5r med seg en skrinn verkt\u00f8ykasse videre i livet. De m\u00e5 selv finne ut hvordan de skal organisere og regulere hele sm\u00f8rbr\u00f8dlisten av menneskelige behov. I en familie som Stens l\u00e6rer barn \u00e5 undertrykke sine egne behov \u2013 det er p\u00e5 en m\u00e5te skammelig \u00e5 skulle ha behov utover sult og t\u00f8rst. Det kan gi pussige utslag.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Da Sten ble kj\u00f8nnsmoden og oppdaget jenter, ble hele hans oppdemmede behov for n\u00e6rhet og kj\u00e6rlighet fokusert p\u00e5 sex. Endelig kunne han v\u00e6re n\u00e6r en annen person, endelig kunne han n\u00e6rme seg sitt eget behov for emosjonell trygghet. Joda, det var hormonelt ogs\u00e5, og han fant seg kj\u00e6rester som var like ivrige som ham fysisk. Men det var bare \u00e9n side av saken. Selv om han hadde sex flere ganger om dagen, kunne han aldri f\u00e5 nok n\u00e6rhet.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Jeg fikk Sten til \u00e5 fortelle om de gangene han hadde savnet \u00e5 sitte p\u00e5 fanget, savnet \u00e5 f\u00e5 tr\u00f8st, savnet \u00e5 v\u00e6re den ene, det ene elskede barnet. Siv hadde aldri sett ham gr\u00e5te f\u00f8r. Hun satt stille og sjokkert og s\u00e5 hvordan han kjempet med gr\u00e5ten. Savn eller sorg var problematiske f\u00f8lelser man ikke kunne n\u00e6rme seg i Stens familie. Han hadde ingen ord for dette som han kunne dele med Siv. Den eneste m\u00e5ten han kunne s\u00f8ke trygghet p\u00e5, var \u00e5 stikke h\u00e5nden ned i buksen p\u00e5 den han elsket, og n\u00e5r Siv protesterte p\u00e5 dette, ble han fortvilet, avvist og redd, for han visste ikke om noen annen m\u00e5te. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For Siv ble dette en vekker. Kanskje kunne hun se p\u00e5 hans grovkornede tiln\u00e6rmelser som noe annet enn overgrep? Og kanskje kunne han l\u00e6re seg \u00e5 vise omsorg og flagge egne emosjonelle behov p\u00e5 en annen m\u00e5te enn ved \u00e5 grafse henne i skrittet?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Siv lo da de gikk. Hun hadde st\u00f8rre tro p\u00e5 at Sten kunne utvikle seg i riktig retning, enn p\u00e5 at den oransje presidenten kunne det.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Publisert i Dagbladet Magasinet 9. oktober 2021<br>Psykolog og parterapeut Andreas L\u00f8es Narum i Parweb.no<br>Kategorier: Sex, Barndom, Avvisning, Barndommens normalitet, Krangling, Rollemodeller<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>De som tilsynelatende bare tenker p\u00e5 sex kan ogs\u00e5 ha andre f\u00f8lelser Et par dager f\u00f8r Siv, Sten og jeg m\u00f8ttes f\u00f8rste gang, fikk jeg en lang bestilling av Siv. Hun skrev nyansert om hvor glad hun var i Sten. Hun s\u00e5 at han var en fin mann og en god far, men hun hadde begynt \u00e5 tvile. Etter at de ble sammen, begynte han \u00e5 behandle henne respektl\u00f8st. Hun ville ikke ha noe av at han bare stakk h\u00e5nden rett ned i buksen hennes. Dette kunne skje n\u00e5r som helst p\u00e5 dagen og helt uten forvarsel \u2013 hele h\u00e5nden\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[59,56,55,57],"tags":[96,194,212,211,67,74,210,209,208,81],"post_folder":[],"class_list":["post-1731","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-barndom-og-oppvekst","category-kommunikasjon","category-krangling","category-relasjonstips","tag-avvisning","tag-behov","tag-behov-for-kjaerlighet","tag-behov-for-naerhet","tag-kjaerlighet","tag-krangling","tag-naerhet","tag-rollemodeller","tag-tafsing","tag-verktoy"],"blocksy_meta":"","yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>U\u00f8nsket tafsing - narum.org<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.narum.org\/uonsket-tafsing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nb_NO\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"U\u00f8nsket tafsing - narum.org\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"De som tilsynelatende bare tenker p\u00e5 sex kan ogs\u00e5 ha andre f\u00f8lelser Et par dager f\u00f8r Siv, Sten og jeg m\u00f8ttes f\u00f8rste gang, fikk jeg en lang bestilling av Siv. 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